I'll be moving my blog to http://sw0rd4god.blogspot.com/

I'll leave this one as the way it is, so that I don't have to repost why I'am still following Jesus :)

Seeyea there!

One of the  most common questions being asked in my life:

Why did you become a Christian & kept on believing?

Usually I just say
"because God is good to me"
OR
"Because I'am grateful to God"
Or
At times I just smile at them without an answer
(weird thing is, they accept this answer & not offended at all)

Honestly speaking, those answer could never satisfy why I would turn christian and kept on believing...kept my faith...if I were to explain I would need more than a few words! Maybe I should write here in my blog, so I can save myself from repeating...

When I was young, I was considered the ugliest in the class, and was often bullied around. I would often fight back...till the point I became so tired of the fighting, I decided to suffer in silence...to me it hurts myself to hurt someone, and was too weak to fight back.  When I couldn't take it anymore, I would just breakdown and cry or blow up like a angry bomb.  Eventually, I found a way to numb this feeling temporary...by playing games (nes/sega/snes/computer...you name it)...but afterward I would scream loudly, to let go of the silence in my heart.

Well, I begin to lose trust in friendships...friendships are just the way to let me make use of people like tools. I only got a few friends, I hate to talk(or I talk too much)...

I was in my last year in secondary school...MIRC became quite hot, and I got invovled and...I talk with this girl when she is hurt & down & eventually fell in love with this girl that I never met before...She exposed me to love songs from groups like westlife/savage garden/backstreet boys...I kept holding back until the day I couldn't take it anymore and break it to her...She fell for another guy....that day...was close to 'O' levels...was close to Christmas...that's why LAST CHRISTMAS song has a personal meaning to me

I was really down...she know I was upset but didn't know what happened to me...she counsel me...what really offended me was, IT WAS NEARLY EXACTLY THE SAME WAY I COUNSEL HER! I felt even worse & left the mirc scene for a long time...

My world was gone then...It affected my O levels, my grades got from bad to worse...I couldn't even get to the lousiest course in poly...I enrolled into ITE instead...I tried suicide as an excuse to run away from this world and not be a burden to anyone...but down I look down from above...I lost all courage...

Inside, it was nearly the same as my secondary school...I was the most disliked in the class, in fact hated by the class. Until this weird, crappy, funny, very popular, well liked person in the class start to befriend me...I dunno why, but he's like a magnet to me, I felt like...I always want to be around with him.

To cut it short, eventually I was invited to his church and got saved. The world turned upside down eventually, from the most hated, I was considered friendly to all and well-liked also, many saw the change in me and wondered what happened...

To this day, God gave me alot...alot...
I am freed from suffering in silence
Freed from suiciding, I found my new hope in Christ
Freed from my fear of future
Freed from the prison of not feeling loved, now I can freely receive and give love
Freed from my fear of failure/my own weakness, because I know He always give me a chance to try again
Freed from guilt of doing the wrong things

Gave me a place that I can call home
Gave me new friends/family that I could count & rely on
He never turns a deaf ear when I call to Him in desperate moments

1 more thing that I am always grateful about - To give me chance & chance again depsite my failures/mistakes/flaws/weakness

That's it...that explains why I choose to be a Christian and continued to believe...Thanks for reading that L0ng story! W0w U made it!

Just imagine one day my hamster grew the ability to talk and I have a conversation with it...

After staring at each other for a long time....

Me: Why are you looking at me like that?
Maki: Because I want food
Me: Why do you want food?
Maki: So that I can eat?
Me: Why you want to eat?
Maki: so that I can sleep
Me: Why do you want to sleep?
Maki: So that I can wake up and eat again


Many the times, I wish I could sleep like my dear hamster.  Humans and animals are just so different. Humans are not meant to live for survival, animals live for survival. God has given each person a specific calling/an area of need to meet, hamsters nor another animals don't.

That really explains why we cannot afford to live a complacent and(or) irresponsible life. You don't need to be a rocket scientist to know what is going to happen on the roads, if all the traffic controllers decided to sleep all day & refuse to go to work.

I once read in "Hitler, rise of evil movie" it says: "To let evil arise, is to be silent at it" Indeed...you want anything to die, just leave it alone.


Original idea: Max Lucado's book: "In The Grip Of Grace"

Whoo! I finally had fun! I sang for one of the song the first time... (I could hear my own voice...not very good...but they say if you add your feelings to your singing you can sing your best...so I sang till the end) Regardless, we all had fun till the end!

Finally school started...can't wait for it to start man! I didn't pay school fees for a holiday! I guess among all the students in the school I'am the happiest of them all! :)

So many things to do...so many things to settle...it is really what I heard long ago...we are like in a room filled with holes with water gushing out...you cover a hole another pops out...you cover that hole again...it comes another! It's endless!

I need to be stronger better, I'll stay and fight all the way till this cell group grow and mutliply. I'am not going to quit like before, I'am not going to give up like before...press on! Breakthrough!

out of my house real early today...got myself into the library...was planning to stuff myself with comics all day long...

Not until I came across the Christian section...saw a book on christian heroes...I mean wow....I gave a read and got addicted to it...

As I read on...I read about mission heroes who really step out of their comfort life(life of riches...pleasure...big mansions) to bring the gospel to the unknown places...faced great prosecution...even so they never lose heart even after being beaten to death...even more volunteer to carry on their work! I mean wow....tears flowed down my eyes as I kept reading and reading...(I hope no one noticed...)

I say God...when's my turn?

Actually I got plans laid out already...once I finish my studies....work...earn money...go School of Theology...work again...save...then missions!

I thank God that I got a place that I can call home

I thank God that I got the most responsible father and mother in the world who take good care of me (my dad quit drinking for the sake of me)

I thank God that I got things that I can call my own

I thank God that I got a place to sleep and shelter

I thank God that God placed me into the church family

I thank God that I have a church that I can go to

I thank God that I was able to know & receive His love

I thank God that I got brothers & sisters that I can look to

I thank God that I have wonderful brothers & sisters

I thank God that I have a cell group to lift my spirits up when I'am down

I thank God that He made me realize that I am not useless

I thank God that I was able to serve God in a ministry

I thank God that He didn't give up on me but continue to change me

I thank God for the education I receive

I thank God for His everylasting, neverending love & grace

I thank God for a reserved place in heaven

I thank God I am not in debt and was able to give

I thank God he made the weak me, strong!

I thank God I can have my daily meals

I thank God I can have a computer that is my own

I thank God I can type in this blog :)

Spend time with my mum today...went to china garden(or chinese garden...whatever)...walked around and watched a mask changing show...wish I could do that with money...heh heh..

I couldn't sleep...man...I kept thinking about the time when I was a POS IC and witnessed someone went to hospital....I just couldn't forget it...and it's affecting my sleep...I really thought I got over it...mabbe I need more time to get it behind...